Do you want to be famous? Do you want to change the world? Do you think you can change the world by being famous? Do you have a plan? Do you stay up at night thinking about how exactly you’re going to become famous? Do you fall asleep with a faint, uneasy feeling that fame may, for lack of a better word, suck? Do you dream about sleeping next to someone else who is famous? Do you mind if they’re more famous than you? Do famous people dream of unfamous people the same way unfamous people dream about famous ones? Do you have a point? Do you think changing the world is cute but extremely naïve? Do you even know what the world is? Do you know for sure in a few years time there’s even going to be a world worth saving? Do you think about yourself a little too much? Do you think about yourself not nearly enough? Do you think in first person? Do you ever refer to yourself in third person like you’re a character in a film that’s based on you? Do you have the rights to the documentary on how you will become successful? Do you have your own website? Do you have an App available yet on the Apple Store? Do you have plans to change your name? Do you believe the Chicago-based economist who says that certain names bring success while others condemn you to socio-economic penury? Do you have parents that can help you in ‘the industry’? Do you measure success by Yen-signs or by how many people ‘LIKE’ your Facebook page? Do you Tweet enough? Do you Tweet about the wrong things? Does your name trend yet? Do you have a Google+ account already? Do you think it’s civilised to send an email bulletin every-day? Do you have a database you are proud of? Does your avatar faithfully reflect whom you are or whom you want to be seen as? Do you desire a portfolio-career? Do you think careers ever make sense looking forward—or only when looking back? Do you personally know enough influential people? Do you know if they generally know who you are? Do you feel comfortable calling them by their first names? Do you network enough? Do you plan on networking more vigorously? Do you ensure every social engagement you make might yield professional advancement? Do you hand out business cards or type directly into your iPhone? Do you hold that it’s necessary to hire a P.R. agency soon to represent you? Do you know what and how they charge? Do they know your work? Do you work? Do you have it neatly archived yet? Do you have your press release ready to go? Do you have an up-to-date CV on your MacBook Pro? Do you think your press release could be your CV? Do you take out an ad? Do you try and get media sponsorship? Do you mind being branded? Do you have a name for your brand yet? Do you go to enough casual ‘in conversation’-type events with advertising gurus? Do you mix-up your Saatchis? Do you announce that you’re ‘digital-first’: The Guardian said it is. Do you have a book out yet? Do you know for sure you’ve got the right person to blurb for the back of the thirteen edited books you plan to publish with cutting-edge, independent presses in the next 18 months using two graphic designer studios from the former Easten Bloc and two who graduated from Yale? Do you think long titles work best or should you stick to one-worders? Do you know if exclamation marks are still hip or completely crap now! Do you find Julian Assange heroic or annoying? Do you think he did everything to become famous or to seek revenge? Do you think more people know who Assange is than Ashton Kutcher? Do you think Demi did the right thing? Do you spend too much time on things that won’t really help you escape the rotten pit of anonymity? Do you have someone to ask? Do you confide in them? Do you look fat in this? Do you actually care what I think or just pretend you do? Do I care? Do you? You do.

–

Commissioned by the AA’s weekly news-sheet, Fulcrum.