The phone rings. I never pick it up. It’s always people selling you stuff and I find it hard to forget they’re humans with feelings and insecurities so I can’t just say, “Fuck off!” and hang up.

So I picked it up. I thought maybe it was my mother.

Me [politely]: “Hello.”

Male voice (politely): “Hello? Hello?”

[Pause]

Male voice (angrily, like the girl from The Exorcist): “Fuck off!”

[Phone hangs up]

I am pretty sure it wasn’t my mother.

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